It’s over.

Again. Failed pregnancy #3.

HCG numbers did even double in 4 days, and both ultrasounds showed no signs of life. The really crappy part of all of this is I have to stay on all medications so I do not begin the miscarriage while I am away. When I come back I will have a final ultrasound, if I haven’t already begun the m/c, then stop all medications and let the m/c happen on it’s own. Again.

As painful as this is, my husband and I have made some decisions around the future of our next IVF cycle.

1. We are changing doctors. The one we have now is really friendly, but he is more conversational than informational.
2. We are going to regulate where we get the blood test. Right now we have to drive 30 miles for quick 5 minute blood test is ridiculous.
3. If we get pregnant again, the only way we are going to find out is via a pee stick test. We are then going to wait 9 to 10 weeks before we go in and do any tests like blood work and u/s. All of the emotions and anxiety of all of these test are heart wrenching. And the reality of it all is that there isn’t a DAMN thing anyone can do about anything anyway. If the HCG rises slow or fast, it the embryo is big or little, if there is one or two it doesn’t change the outcome. So screw it! I am going to try to make the pregnancy as normal as possible. When regular people get pregnancy, they POAS and then there are no tests done until almost the end of the first trimester. I rather live blissfully ignorant than stressed out for weeks on end which can’t be good for me or any baby growing inside of me. You all might thing I am a damn fool, but for my mental health, this is what our plan is for next time. Hopefully there will be a next time.